Homer in Cyberspace: Conference of the iGods

August 21, 2008

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Conference of the iGods; © Roger Bourland and Mel Shapiro

“Conference of the iGods” from HOMER IN CYBERSPACE
Music: Roger Bourland
Lyrics: Mel Shapiro
Chief: Nathan Langdon


Conference of the iGods (12:51)

Tina:
Stay as far
Under the radar
Of the i-gods,
My man

Don’t let them
Know you exist

They won’t hesitate
To control your
Fate

Don’t let them
Get your number

The i-gods are as strong
As titanium
And deadly as
Uranium

They’ll re-wire your head
Lead you around by the nose
Their favorite game
Is anything goes.

Don’t let them
Even know you’re alive

They’ve got a tele-conference going
Say,
This may be worth knowing

Tele-conference of the i-gods

Chief
(Taking roll)
01010101010101010?

Each one answers when asked
“Present”

(Repeat 9 times)

Chief
Where’s 01010101010101010?

All
That’s ol’ Sy
He’s busted.

Chief
There will never be another Klops like Sy.
A minute’s silence please.

(Count to three)

Okay
Let’s put down the ambrosia
And getta little doseee-ya
Of reality

All
Is that virtual or otherwise reality?

Chief
Remember the deal
Nothing is really real.
Anything more than virtual
Can hurt-you-all.
Clear?

All
Clear.

Chief
(His eye on a female i-god)
Hey, my dear
I must say
You’re looking lovely
Today

Lady
You don’t say?

Chief
Is that a new do?

Lady
I’ve had it since 4 point 2

Chief
(To a buff i-god)

And you, you looked juiced

Male
Thanks chief

Chief
New mother board?

Male
New board,
New abs.

Chief
Truly fab.

Male
Thanks, chief

Chief
(To Lady 2)
How about we fire wire together?

Lady 2
I can think of nothing better.

Chief
But are you one of those who likes to kiss and Intel?

(They all laugh like kettle drums)

One of the males
Howya been, chief?

Chief
I got a dose
Of the morose

All
Nooooooo.

Chief
Since Sy’s
Demise.

All
Let’s take a minutes silence

(Count to three)

Chief
I’m losing functionality
Over the loss

All
He was mega

Chief
(Reminiscing)
Remember that sweet tune his parents used to sing

(Refrain from Stephen Hawking. All the i-gods dance. Then suddenly stop)

Chief
We must avenge
As only we can
Break the man

All
Break the man

Chief
Who did this!
(Then in a new tone)
I get so sick of breaking men
Shaking men
Throwing wretched fate at them
I get so sick of throttling them
Scaring them
Throwing everything in the book at them

(Plaintively)

What is the meaning
Of the whole universe?
Was it ever good
Is it getting worse?
And why this angst
These existential questions?

Chorus
Like Jean Paul Sartre?

Chief
Sometimes I think we’re falling apart.
I have to ask: What are we?
And where are we going?

Chorus
Is that like knowing
Plato?

Chief
Why anything?

Chorus
Why anything?
Hmmm. Like Nietzsche?
Does anyone knowsa
Little Spinoza?
Can anyone regalian
In pure Hegalian?
Or rant
In Kant?
Or lecture and hour
On Schopenauer?
Anyone here
Programmed for philosophy?

Chief
Fie, fie, fie
Why Sy!
Why?
(Shouting)
What are we?

Chorus
(Military like)
We are what we are
We do what we do
We’re the i-gods.

Chief
(Military command)
Program test: state your function!

(The i-gods, in a round robin:)

Chorus
Navigation
Atom smashing
Communications
Satellites
System Control
Radar
Games
Missiles

Chief
And you, little one?

i-god
I, I bake my enemies in a p-p-pot pie

Chief
And you, dear?

i-god
(Sexy)
Simulation is what I do best

Chorus
And what’s more, WE ALL DO WAR!

(By now they have joined physically into one imposing machine)

Chief
Where are the myth-gods of yesteryear?
Love and music
Wine and song
Chastity
Justice to right all wrong
Apollo’s lyre
Hera’s hearth
And whatshisname’s fire?
Gone

Chorus
Let’s all take a minute of silence

(Count to two)

Chief
When mortals made us
It was said when we’d look down on them
They’d be something to look up to
We thought they’d be gentle,
Peaceful
Kind
Who’d bring back to mind
Ideals
Hope
Remember hope?
Who’d show us by example
A sample
Of perfection
Warming our cold cosmic days
Melting our cold-hearted ways.

Chorus
I may be cold-hearted
But
I have a passion
For compassion
And what’s more
I never crashed on anyone I felt sorry for.

Chief
Pshaw!
Let’s face it.
After all the hopes we had for
Mortals
After all that fuss
They turn out no better than us.
They’re just like you
Just like me
They imitate us to a T

Chorus
Imitation is a form of flattery
Flattery charges my battery
I thrive with my disc
In someone’s drive

(In a digression)

Download me baby
Lowdown
Upload me baby
Lying down
Don’t frown baby
You got the RAM
I got the time
What’s yours is mine
And mine is fine
Upload me baby
Lowdown

(Pause)

Chief
They let us down
We wanted to look up to them
But
When I look down
There’s nothing to look up to
And when I look up
There’s nothing to see
Only me.

Chief and Chorus
I got a dose of the
Morose
And it’s got me way down.
I’m just bereft
Loosing my functions right and left

(Sounds of angry birds. The i-gods look up)

Chief
And now
It’s foretold
A millennia or two away
Or so the buzzards say
Mortals
Will favor
Something called a savior
That’s when we hit the road
Get on the intergalactic bus
It’s a one way ticket
And the end of us

Bells are heard

Chorus
After all those hopes for them
All that fuss
They imitate the worst part of us.

We got a dose of the
Morose
And it’s got us way down.

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