My brother Andy died this morning.
Andy had cancer when he was 17, and the radiation therapy that saved him in 1971, slowly took his life away over the last few years. He checked into a hospice in December. That act alone let us all know he was ready. Even when he was at the hospice, he had a hard time deciding to die. His doctors said then as they always have: his urge to stay alive kept him alive. Looking into the faces of his children made it difficult to leave. [Funny simultaneity: Andy's son just texted me and we chatted, er texted.]
Andy and I always had a deal: whoever died first, the dead one would do something to say that they were on the other side; like stopping a clock. Andy and I revisited that promise a few months ago. He didn’t remember the stopping the clock part, but remembered that we would send a sign.
This morning, after I gathered my thoughts, I decided to write this post. I couldn’t access my blog. I panicked. I checked other websites on the same server and they were all working. I tried my website. It wasn’t working. I tried another browser, no luck. I restarted my computer, no deal. My blog was unavailable. Dead.
Not knowing what else to do, I texted Daniel who said it was working just fine. I called it up again, and there it was.
Hmmmm. You there, Andy?
[Photos by Roger Bourland: top, Andy in Palm Spring, 2000; bottom, Andy in Lincoln, Nebraska, 1974.]
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My condolences Roger.
As tragic as it is, it seems so wonderful to me that you had such a fine relationship and such an extended time to say goodbye.
The ‘diminuendo, poco a poco’ aspect of it let us all down gently.
Roger, I am so very sorry to read about the death of your brother. I send you my compassion and sympathy as well as many hugs and much love. I hope you find comfort in the arms of those you love.
I have so appreciated your honest writing about all of this over time. I hope that helps in processing it all as well, even while I am sure you will forever miss him.
My deepest condolences to you and your (and his) family. Having read the lovely things you wrote about him on this blog, I’m sure you will cherish loving memories of him for ever. Take care.
Roger, Please convey my condolences to all the family. We met at a ClickZ Christmas Party circa 1999 or 2000 in Hollywood. I was managing editor and came with my son Paul, who wrote the SEO column. Wish I knew Andy was sick earlier and could have said goodby on his blog before this happened. His poignant last post will bring tears to anyone who knew him. A wonderful person and Internet visionary. Responsible for launching so many online careers. Gave me my first online editing job. He really cared about people and will be sorely missed! PS: Hi to Daniel.
I’m so sorry, Roger. Deepest sympathies to you and Andy’s wife and children; such a huge loss.
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