I watched an excellent documentary on Beethoven last night. I picked up the phone to call Mitchell and talk about it as he had just lectured about Beethoven in his class that morning, when a tap on my shoulder made me jump out of my skin. I hung up the phone, turned around, and there was a short smelly man with sun glasses and an odd outfit standing behind me.
R: Who are you?
R: Louie who?
L: This is beginning to sound like a knock-knock joke: LOUIE B
R: Louie B Mayer?
L: No, you dolt, Ludwig van Beethoven. This is my new name. Do you like it?
R: (Blushing wildly) Gosh, Mr Beethoven…
L: Louie! Call me Louie!
R: Gosh, Mr Louie, er. Louie, yes I do like it. It’s cool.
L: Yes, I know that word, it IS cool. And you like my sunglasses? I need to stay incognito.
R: Yes, they are very stylish, very James Dean. Uh, I thought you were dead.
L: Nope; bit by a vampire. So my fate is sealed. I do have one special gift: I now channel music through composers. I only send my energy through them and leave the notes to subject. They are oblivious to the process, but they will all smell like THIS (he exposes his armpit and thrusts it towards my nose).
R: OH! That’s disgusting.
L: It’s true. That’s the smell of a REAL composer.
R: Alright, I’ll try to have an open mind here, Louie, but that’s just downright weird. Who are some composers that you have, what? inhabited?
L: Gosh, I shouldn’t really say. Ok, I’ll tell you a few. Christopher Rouse LOVED having me dominate him as did Michael Daugherty. Milton Babbitt wouldn’t let me in. Oh I really needn’t say any more.
R: Oh just one more!
L: Well let’s see, Lenny let me in during West Side Story, but that was it.
R: Any rock n roll artists?
R: Was there some reason you came to visit me today?
L: Just to check in, introduce myself to you and let you know I’ll be watching you.
R: I assume I’ll know that you are nearby by the smell of your armpit?
L: Mm hmm.
R: By the way, one more question before you vanish, or whatever you dead composers do: were you gay?
L: (lol) No I was not. I can understand why people might think that. I did have other issues that made things, well, complicated.
R: Do you care to expound?
L: No. Well, it’s been nice to meet you. Goodbye
There I was, alone, wondering whether I had just dozed off or…