[Charles Ives has been granted permission from Rosemary Brown to correspond with Rufus Wainwright and Roger Bourland via instant messaging software. This is a transcript of their correspondence from this morning.]
CI: Hello, hello. Mayday. Do you read me?
RW: Yeah, hi. I’m here. Hello Mr Ives.
CI: Call me Charlie.
RW: You can call me Rufus.
CI: I will NOT call you Rufus. What kind of composer would be called Rufus? Listen to me boy, take my advice. I told Aaron Copland early on to change his name from Kaplan to Copland. He never regretted it and told me so. Change your name to Ralph. Now that’s a man’s name. “Rufus?” that’s a dog’s name. Ralph. A good masculine name. Ralph, yeah, Ralph.
RW: But that’s not my name, and I don’t care how masculine it is or isn’t.
CI: Shut up boy. When you are working with me, you’ll take my orders like a man and say yes sir.
RW: (blushing) Yes sir. (Eyes roll to the ceiling.)
CI: Alright Ralph, I’m new to this inter-astral communication and I’m feeling a bit light headed, so let’s continue our communication later this week.
RW: I can’t wait. (Rufus offers a rude finger gesture to the computer screen.)
CI: Good to hear it. I’ll check in with you later, RALPH.
RW: Thank you Charles.
CI: Call me Charlie. Charles is too formal. Say, do you know Roger Bourland?
RW: No, I’ve heard he’s writing a book about me but I have no idea what it’s about.
CI: No, the Roger Bourland I know is a VP for Mutual of New York Insurance Company. I doubt he’s alive now. We’re old fishing buddies.
RW: Nope, I don’t know him either.
CI: Alright, well Roger-and-out!
RW: xoxoxo
CI: Huh?
RW: Goodbye Charlie.
CI: Goodbye for now.
Comments on this entry are closed.