Charles Ives contacts Rufus

February 19, 2007


[Charles Ives has been granted permission from Rosemary Brown to correspond with Rufus Wainwright and Roger Bourland via instant messaging software. This is a transcript of their correspondence from this morning.]

CI: Hello, hello. Mayday. Do you read me?

RW: Yeah, hi. I’m here. Hello Mr Ives.

CI: Call me Charlie.

RW: You can call me Rufus.

CI: I will NOT call you Rufus. What kind of composer would be called Rufus? Listen to me boy, take my advice. I told Aaron Copland early on to change his name from Kaplan to Copland. He never regretted it and told me so. Change your name to Ralph. Now that’s a man’s name. “Rufus?” that’s a dog’s name. Ralph. A good masculine name. Ralph, yeah, Ralph.

RW: But that’s not my name, and I don’t care how masculine it is or isn’t.

CI: Shut up boy. When you are working with me, you’ll take my orders like a man and say yes sir.

RW: (blushing) Yes sir. (Eyes roll to the ceiling.)

CI: Alright Ralph, I’m new to this inter-astral communication and I’m feeling a bit light headed, so let’s continue our communication later this week.

RW: I can’t wait. (Rufus offers a rude finger gesture to the computer screen.)

CI: Good to hear it. I’ll check in with you later, RALPH.

RW: Thank you Charles.

CI: Call me Charlie. Charles is too formal. Say, do you know Roger Bourland?

RW: No, I’ve heard he’s writing a book about me but I have no idea what it’s about.

CI: No, the Roger Bourland I know is a VP for Mutual of New York Insurance Company. I doubt he’s alive now. We’re old fishing buddies.

RW: Nope, I don’t know him either.

CI: Alright, well Roger-and-out!

RW: xoxoxo

CI: Huh?

RW: Goodbye Charlie.

CI: Goodbye for now.

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